Saturday, 22 January 2011


Feeling incredibly sheepish today. Gosh, the last few days have been a rollercoaster!

First off, and I guess rather importantly, I'm ok. I'm safe, I'm at home, I'm in a decent mood tonight! Got lots of things to sort out - my room is a tip, my washing up needs doing and I have a pile of washing to do; but it's good because my flat is going to be pretty empty tonight as people are going out.

I'll start with my last post. I'm very sorry if I worried anybody with it. I'm still here, I predict I will be around for a long time despite my intentions! Wednesday night was not great for me. Decided to go for a 'quick drink' after cheerleading and ended up getting incredibly drunk, running around my apartment block with my flatmates chasing me, told my boyfriend to leave me alone and never contact me again, tried to kill myself a fair few times. He stopped me. Looking back it was probably the worst set of suicide attempts ever because all I had was 14 sertraline tablets (which a quick google tells me isn't enough to even kill a rat, let alone a heffer like me!) and a packet of paracetamol. Dickhead, eh?! Well, after sending my boyfriend a lovely suicide note by text, I eventually had to let him back in or he was going to phone people and he held me as I fell asleep sobbing my eyes out. Yay me.

Thursday was a bit of a fail day, meant to spend it revising for my exam on Friday morning but let's just say it didn't go well. I was still awake at 3am when my boyfriend called me to say he was drunk and coming over - ok! I didn't get to sleep til 5am, I was ten minutes late for my exam. It was awful. I will be very surprised if I pass the module. Needless to say I am not confident!

Anyway. Decided to have a nap and then pop down town before starting to get ready to go out - Because I was tired I didn't have a long nap, and town was amazing! Bought two new tops, new boots, new socks, new belt. Good stuff. Spent far too much money but hey ;) Got back to mine and tried the outfit on (got a picture for y'all :)), then got a small dinner and got ready. Got to the first club - a cocktail bar - at about 10, started to drink... And didn't stop. In all, bearing in mind I had no entry fees to pay as the first club was free entry and the second was a ticket event that I'd prepaid for, I spent nearly £55. That's an awfully large amount of money. In my estimation, I had... 8/9 cocktails, 3 jaegerbombs, two shots, 9 bottles of alcopops. I passed out on the way home. Nearly got hypothermia; hit a paramedic and my boyfriend repeatedly and threw up on myself and my new top. The paramedic noticed my self harm cuts and now my flatmate knows about them too. I feel like an awful person. Got shipped in an ambulance to A+E where they warmed me up and scolded me for a being a dick. Got back to my flat early this morning and showered as I smelt like sick (I still do, despite two hot showers) and got scolded by all my flatmates. Fair play.

My new top is salvageable, I think, and my new boots need a clean... My jeans are horrible, so dirty and sick smelling. Eurgh. I am disgusting.

Lesson learnt.

Pictures coming in the next post, thinspo and a few pictures of - shock! - me if I can get my card reader to work!

Peace out x

1 comment:

  1. Oh, thank fuck! I was SO worried!

    I'm so sorry you've been having such a terrible time of late. I wish I could have done something to help. Glad you're feeling better and that you have so many people who care for you and were there to to take care of you.

    I hope this coming week is good to you. I'm thinking of you. <3. XXX.