General normal conversation with the boy just now, over MSN:
Him: I'm gonna go to the gym tomorrow, been piling on the pounds lol
Me: Yeah, that's a plan, I'm going to finally join it tomorrow and book my induction. Need to go back to the Drs* as well :(... I'll do that tomorrow too
Him: Good stuff, you gonna start gyming?
Me: Yeah, wanna lose some weight and tone up, about a stone
Him: A stone? How much do you weigh at the moment?
Me: 10 stone.
Him: So you want to be 9?
Me: Mmmhmm, or ideally 8 and a half, dunno yet.
Him: 9 is skinny for you, you won't get there.
Me: I'm gonna try :)
Him: Well stop eating then lard arse :p
Me: (Inward face palm) Already on it...
Him: Lol, I love your chubbiness! Don't lose it all :p
Me: I hate it... :(
Well, ok that wasn't exactly it. But it's just made me feel like shit - I know he likes my body but I can not stress enough how much I hate it right now. It's fucking vile. I'm watching the second to last season of ANTM and just lusting after these girls bodies... Especially Jessica... she's perfection! I know he didn't mean it in the way he did but for me it's been a big trigger. So, tomorrow, fat arse Merla is gone and I'm starting a three day fast. Fucking bring it.
*I hate going to the Drs but I need a prescription refill :( He's going to ask how the drugs have been going and I'll either lie and say there's no difference or I'll lie and say they're working. No fucking way I'm telling him about the weight issues or the SH urges or that I spent the entire evening the other day sobbing in my boyfriends arms begging him to forgive me if I did kill myself. No fucking way.
Some thinspo, ANTM style!
Another stunning girl; Danielle, winner of cycle 6
I need these shoes - Erin Wagner
And finally, Analeigh Tipton