5 positive things...

Gonna try it.

1) Err. I'm sure number 1 isn't mean to be hard. My hair still feels pretty good today even though I haven't washed it.
2) I've sorted out underneath my bed and started sorting through my DVDs, with a view to giving some away to a local hospice.
3) I've got a job application form to fill out, something I wouldn't have consider a week ago.
4) My weight has been stable at 134lbs for the last month or so, before that I couldn't get under 140lbs consistently.
5) Uh. I have lots of baking to do tomorrow which should be fun?

That was too hard.

I don't know

how much longer I can keep this up.

Two days until the second anniversary of my friends death. Two months until the second anniversary of my 'serious' suicide attempt.

Meh.

Bleh.

Still scared to go outside.

Still a sad little girl inside.

Fed up now.

I'm bored but when I think of anything to do I get anxious and don't want to do it. I don't know how to stop it.

I'm wasting my life. I wish I was wasting away instead.

I think I've overdosed on Betty Crocker icing and home made honeycomb.

Shit.

Bikini Thinspo

This is a scheduled thinspo post, because I'm a lazy arse. 

Why the fuck not? Beautiful girls, beautiful pictures, beautiful weather. *Stares out the window at the rain* Seems apt. 

Unconventional on a thinspo page - but fuck, that is beauty.

Meep.

I like can abide my stomach. It's flat, even when breathing out. It has little definition and when I sit down it rolls over my jeans but when I'm standing it looks alright I guess.

I hate my thighs. Big, massive, fucking thunder thighs.

I hate my arse. Cellulitey, jiggly, gross. It's like two different bodies. Ok upper half, fucking awful lower half.

Hey...

Man, I need to stop abandoning you lovely people. I'm still surviving, existing.

The world scares me now.

I scare myself more than ever.

Uni is over for the summer. Last time I checked I was a solid 132lbs. I dunno if I still am... too scared to check.

'Meh' sums me up totally right now.

Drawing is fun now. So is making friendship bracelets (which I'm just starting out at doing and whilst they're not great, I hope to be able to make enough nice ones to sell a few at carboots over the summer. Maybe. Maybe not. They're fun to do anyway).

I don't like going outside. I don't like being away from my BF at all. Tomorrow he's got a work trial so I'm home alone for 8 hours for the first time since getting back from uni. I'm scared.

I've been hearing people whispering to me at night.