Wednesday, 20 July 2011

Moan moan moan

Sorry guys. I haven't posted much recently because tbh, everything I type comes out as just moany and horrible. I considered deleting this as well but... fuck it. Just skip over this rambling, nonsense, needy post.

Let's see, over the last two weeks I've...
1) Got so incredibly drunk I had to tell work I 'forgot' I was meant to be working and spent the next day throwing up
2) Attempted to get high
3) Spent about £250 that I don't have
4) Contemplated how shittily my life is going
5) Tried to do some revision/essay writing and failed
6) Got normally drunk three nights in a row
7) Made my room a mess
8) Slept.

:/ Mmm. I need to get money, get happier, and get thinner. No. I want money, I want to be happier, and I want to be thinner. Want want want. ME ME ME ME. I hate me. I hate the concept of 'me'. When I see kids in the supermarket crying because they want the brightly coloured sweets their mum won't buy for them, I get all teary. Fuck you, consumerist society. I remember clearly being 12 years old and my Mum spotting a t-shirt in New Look that said 'Saw it, wanted it, had a fit, got it' on. She laughed and bought me one as it was 'exactly my character'. Really? That's what I am? Needy and desperate and shit? There is nothing good in someone who acts like that. They have no redeeming qualities.

I need, practically, somewhere to live for the next year of uni, I need to revise for my exams and write my essay. I need to tidy my bedroom. Those are REAL priorities.

Andy said the other day... 'I like you because you don't care about whether people think you're fat or thin. You eat if you want to eat what's in front of you, without regard for what it is. I wouldn't like to be with someone who you go out to eat with and all they eat is a cucumber stick. I like girls who tuck into a good, rare steak. Like you' Does this guy actually know me?

1 comment:

  1. Excited to follow you ;) Hang in there = bad days and good days come and go. Hang on to the good - you can do it. Stay positive!
    SEnding positives your way