Saturday, 18 June 2011


I just don't know any more.

Spoke with my BF last night about going back to the doctor... Given that he knows how much I hate therapy, all he said was 'I don't think I could cope with you on more of those crazy drugs'. I've only tried two (three? I forget) and the first one made me suicidal and the second turned me into a zombie then did nothing. But what can I do?

I'm not allowed to cut any more.
I don't want therapy.
My BF doesn't want me on drugs.
There's only so much I can control my food intake. (It is, regretably, becoming my new form of SH. And it's perfect for it, because no-one can tell.)
I'm off running until I get some decent trainers.

I have no coping strategies left. I can feel the pressure building up in my head and it's going to blow and then he's going to turn and run. We've been together 7 months and already he's sick of it.



  1. It's your life, Merla and only you can decide what you need to cope and what will be best for your mental well being. Unfortunately, everybody else is going to have to fit in or fuck off!

    I hope things improve for you soon. Hang in there, Babe! <3. XXX.

  2. In the end, you gotta do what is best for you.
    If people do not agree with your decisions or your choices?
    It is YOUR life, and you need to live it the way YOU want to.
    I hope things get better for you.
    Stay positive, stay beautiful. <3

  3. True but I don't want to lose him :( x