Thursday, 18 November 2010

Eurgh, I feel like crap.

A lot has happened since I last posted.
I self harmed again. That's a biggy, I guess. Went for my thigh this time as I'm going home in two weeks and it's pretty much the only part of me that my parents won't be looking at. Also, it seemed easier to 'work on' - well, yes it was. The cuts are much deeper than normal. I'm very lucky not to have got too far down. It was that or jump off a bridge into the ocean... Sounds dramatic but Tuesday night was long and far too reminiscent of the night I OD'ed the second time. There was planning and note writing involved. Not good. In the end I settled for going at my leg and waiting til morning to see if my feelings changed.
Yesterday, the day after, I went to the doctors. We had a long chat about killing myself would be damn stupid and how I have to actually put some work into recovering - I can't just chuck a pill down my neck once a day and hope that it works somehow. So, in a blackmail, black market kind of deal, I've been put on Sertraline on the condition that I reapply for counselling. Yay. The email has been sent; I'm very much hoping that they'll say the waiting list is too long and I can't come back. The GP said if that happens then I'll have to go down to the MH team in town which is a trek though.
The new pills are making me very tired, I can't think straight and I feel somewhat like a zombie. I spent the last 24 hours feeling very nauseous and with a cracking headache, which I can feel coming back again. I keep spacing out and my mouth is like the Sahara. Yay me.
My appetite has pretty much gone :p :D

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