Sunday, 14 October 2012

I know the scales are bad. I know I shouldn't care what they say. I even know that they can say different things depending on carpet, placement in the room (floorboards), fuck it, even temperature can affect them. I know that my bedroom has a very odd carpet and very uneven floorboards.

So why do I fucking weigh myself and get upset at the results?

Apparently I've gained 1stone in 3 weeks, even though I've restricted heavily, fasted a few days and been to the gym at least twice a week.

So I've been sitting in bed for the last hour crying. This feels like an impossible journey. Every time I try to do this I end up failing. I'm sick of it. I was thinking the other day about how my face looks thinner... not massively but a little bit. But clearly it can't if I've put a stone on.

Fuck fuck fuck.

Oh, and I've relapsed with self harm, so yea, that's back on the agenda. I'm a massive life fail right now. All I do is sleep; eat a small amount (and even then, only a few things, it's not like I'm stuffing bags of crisps and chocolate down my throat, ffs); drink tea; go to the gym; and attempt to get to my lectures. I'm past caring about uni. I just want to go home.


  1. Its impossible for you to have gained that doing what you do, I'm sure the scales are wrong. Try and keep your head up love <3