I am never going to become this

(I'm thinking about doing something like this when I go back to uni, over the year. Take a photo every weekend and then make them into a slideshow before I leave for summer... Maybe. Will make me work harder!)

That's the end of the thinspo, apart from a really cool hair pic. Click back on your browser if you don't want to here about calories and hatred...

Things are not going well, at all. Clearly, when I am left to decide for myself what I should eat over two and a half friggin' days, I can not make the right decision. My shopping for being back in halls for resits:

- 2 ready meals (500+ cals each)

- 4 pork and pickle pies (300 cals each)

- Tub of mini sausage rolls, 24 pieces (35 cals each, so 840 all together)

- Bacon and leek quiche (916 cals all together)

- A bag of Skittles (712 cals... god, I can never eat them again)

- Two tubes of Munchies (266 each... 532 cals together)

- A bag of Penn State Sour Cream and Chive Pretzels (777 cal)

- A bottle of Frijj (450 cals)

- 2 pints of skimmed milk (5 calories? neglible)

- 3 bananas (large so like... 150 each... 450 cals)

- Small bottle of sparkling water (5 cals)

- Big bottle of water (n/a)

- Small pot of salad (100 cal? I dunno, I threw half away. Go figure.)

- A pack of cocktail sausages that I took one of and then threw away because they were really peppery and gross

- Several mugs of tea (10 cals, lol... purely because I have drunk a very large amount of tea!)

Edit... worked it out. Grand total was something like 6997, which makes 2333 a day ish. 

Not to mention the sandwich, hot chocolate, pretzels and drink I had on the train. That's like a weeks worth of food! FFS! Dunno whether to calculate my total or not... It might send me into a bit of a melt down. I already feel fragile :(

No wonder I feel bloated and crap, eh? Wish I had more clothes than just one pair of trousers so I could at least exercise or *something*. I'll go swimming when I get home. For certain. 

Me and BF made a pact. No SH for me, and no cigarettes for him. He didn't want to make it, but I needed to. Don't know why controlling someone else makes it easier to control myself... I think that's an even worse path to go down than not eating. God damn it, I really want to right now. Really, really want to. FUCK this lack of anything harmful. The most harmful thing I have here is a fucking plastic knife. Screw you. 

Random aside to the moaning and self hatred... I want this girls hair. It's amazing...

Sorry. I'll update with my current life story soon. But right now, I need to mope and be sad and stuff.

All photos are from the wonderful http://thinspox.tumblr.com/